


I Think We Both Know

by JackWhisperer1011



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3811084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackWhisperer1011/pseuds/JackWhisperer1011
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humans got their hands on Torchwood technology. Their beliefs are that humans and aliens should not have relationships, and separate numerous partners. Rose has been taken, but upon her return, will anything ever be the same again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The titles are lyrics from Me and Tennessee with Gwyneth Paltrow and Tim McGraw. I do not own anything Doctor Who. This is my first Fic, and i am super nervous about it. I am also very excited. I love feedback but mostly just hope that people are enjoying my pieces :) anyway- enjoy!

Rose felt the same mixture of fear and desperate need of approval that washed over her every time she saw this man enter the room. Caleb’s voice broke her demeanor, his recognition of her enough to thrill her and make her feel worthy.

“Rose, I need to speed things along. Your ex, he’s here and he’s hunting you down. We can’t let him get his hands on you, or our precious treasure. But it’ll be easier for you if this happens.” He never spoke in direct terms. He knew that Rose was always wavering and being too strong would spook her. Caleb knew what to say to convince her what to do for him.

As he drew nearer with the needle, her heart raced and her stomach churned. She didn’t know exactly what this meant. Fear overwhelmed her ability to ask. Her arm limply hung in his left hand as he pushed the fluid out with his right. Tears pricked at her eyes as her anxiety grew, but his soft tug drew her near and comforted her. 

His hands drew soft patterns on her back and confusion swept through her once more. He was being so kind. He was only like this after he had been angry for her for doing something wrong. He did this when he was apologizing, even if she had deserved his wrath. It was a pleasant surprise but she wondered why it was happening. The confusion ended quickly with a brush of pain through her body, and her collapsing to her knees. 

Rose knew what the needle was for, now.

***

The Doctor rushed away from his vehicle. He could barely see two other Torchwood vehicles, safepoints, hidden in the distance. He knew it would be radio silence after he got this close to the Station. He couldn’t have their tracking or interception tech interfering. 

All of the traps and triggers were memorized as he dodged them to get inside. His timing was impressive today, he had chosen the perfect time for his rescue. Only four people remained in the building- three junior tech advisors and Caleb, the man identified to be holding Rose captive. He had the element of surprise on his side, and now he had the best of timing.

The Doctor’s new sonic was in hand as he made his way to the security room. After following the carefully directed method of dismantlement, he finally triggered the alarm in the room next to Rose’s. This would make it less suspicious than across the building, but also easy to hear if the men were escaping once they were trapped. He was two minutes from the room it had been confirmed from Jason, their own captive who had been found after six months and paid off, that Rose was staying in. He saw the camera label for the room and was then sure he had been told the truth.

Once all the men had raced into the decoy room, he used his sonic to secure the locks of the doors so that no one could escape it. 

He could barely hear anything but his heartbeat over the blood rushing in his ears. Adrenaline seared his veins as the Doctor slammed the door open to the room he had planned this rescue from. A demented laugh escaped him as he caught a glimpse of a gorgeous blond in the corner.

“Rose,” he breathed as he rushed over. She gasped as she looked at him. Her makeup was all over her face as she locked her eyes on his, almost not breathing at all. 

“You… You’re who I remember.” Her gaze was full of wonder, her voice aching with the need to understand. 

 

“Rose, Rose, Rose. I’m your husband. The Doctor. John?” He let his eyes wander over her, taking in all the changes as he let her sort through everything. There was no way to tell if she remembered him at all, or what they’d done. It wasn’t until he followed the lines of the loose gown to her midsection that he had at least one more puzzle piece.

At the exact moment of his notice, her scream filled the air and she grabbed his forearm. She started heaving long, scraping breaths and tears fell faster from her eyes. 

“You aren’t who he said. You’re my Doctor, not some terrible man?” He didn’t understand what could have gone wrong that she would ever forget him and replace him with some evil figure. 

“Rose, I love you. I’m your Doctor, I’ve never changed.” His throat was tight, but he reached to rest a hand gently on her round abdomen. “You need to trust me right now. We only have a five minute window to get out of here.”

Rose offered almost no response as he looked deeply at her. He lifted her gown slowly as she lay against the wall. She was already partially dilated, having contractions, and her water was broken. 

“Can you stand? We need to leave right away. I have a medical team waiting, ok? People you knew and trusted. I love you, I promise you’ll be alright.” The Doctor lifted her as she didn’t respond, only moaned at the pain she felt.

Good, she could stand. He tried his best to walk with her quickly to the doors to leave. He knew there would be a catch to his seemingly perfect escape. She slowed them down excessively, muttering something about taking the baby and needles. They barely made it out of the doors before he could hear Caleb and his crew burst from their cell of a room. He quickly sonicked the door and set the alarms to an internal lockdown.

Rose stumbled through the grass while he pulled her along. She folded over, a feral groan coming from within her as she grasped her stomach. He waited as patiently as he could before squeezing her hand, a silent plea to move again. 

When her eyes met his, he was shot with concern about what had happened to her psychologically. She was not trusting him to take care of her. She feared him, and was confused. 

“Rose, no one will ever take this baby from you. You will never be hurt again, love. Please, for everyone’s sake just wait until you’re somewhere safe and we can talk. I love you, we need to go!” Her hand held his firmly as she waddled as quickly as she could. 

Twice more, Rose had to stop for contractions. They were growing dangerously close to each other as he finally got close to his Torchwood car. His heart stopped as she sat next to the vehicle to coast another contraction. He scrambled for his radio, radioing immediate medical assistance. 

As he heard the medical trucks start revving to get to him, the Torchwood teams went to the Station to arrest the men inside. Now that Rose was safe, it was safe for other members to enter. 

“Rose, I’m going to check again, is that alright?” His voice wavered heavily as she winced. More pain coursed through her and he waited until it subsided before lifting the gown again. He could already see the head of the baby.

“I can see it! The head, Rose it’s -” Rose cut off her howling moan to scream and cut him off. The Doctor was stunned as he looked back up to meet her eyes. 

“Don’t, don’t tell me anything.” Her voice was strong for how much else was going on. 

The Doctor’s heart burst as he was interrupted by a medical team and couldn’t get another look at his baby being born. He counted back the months. Nine months since she had been stolen from him. He grinned as he heard the medics shout to each other, thinking it was so unlike his luck that he would be given back his wife and a baby on top of it. 

Minutes later, the Doctor was handed an incredibly tiny infant covered in slime and a soft blanket. His vision blurred as his eyes stung with tears, looking on at the mere handful of babe. He went to sit next to Rose’s tired form, but she slammed her eyes shut and turned her head away. He brushed his finger down the baby’s nose as it squirmed in his arms. A soft coo, instead of cry, accompanied it. It’s eyes weren’t opening much, but its hair was downy and colourless.

“Hello, you incredibly tiny miracle.” The Doctor’s whisper managed to rouse it slightly and the baby twisted again.

It was as the medics were finishing their work on Rose that she murmured something. She tried to repeat it but instead muffled it more through tears and a soft, shocked wail. Rose sucked in another dry, scratching gasp of air before recovering enough to try again. What she said made the Doctor’s heart tear in two, and his blood turn to ice. 

“It isn’t your baby.”


	2. It's Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor finds a few things out and tries to help the only person who will let him.

The Doctor’s heart seemed to stutter as he watched medics grab the baby and start bundling Rose into an ambulance. He heard shouts about the baby being extremely premature, needing a ventilator and to get to Torchwood for immediate assessment. 

His hands felt empty without the weight of the tiny red baby with eyes still fused shut.

“Doctor, ring Peter and Jackie. Tell them to meet us at Torchwood.” Part of him didn’t want to. He wanted to sit alone in the forest and think. His whole life just disappeared the very moment he thought he had it back. How would he even begin to tell Pete and Jackie anything about what had happened? What would they do once they got to the hospital.

“Doctor! we need to leave now get in!” The shout startled him back to reality as he numbly climbed into the car. Jake drove, something he rarely allowed but now he was incapable of doing so himself. He stared down, feeling nothing at all as he looked for Pete’s number. 

“What do I say? It’s their daughter, Jake. How can I tell them what’s happened?” His voice felt like it was someone else’s. The words formed on their own, he was still too hollow and shocked to consciously be putting them together.

“They’re going to be happy she’s safe and alive. That’s the part that they’ll care about. Nothing else will matter to them right now, Doctor.” This comforted him enough to press Dial on his phone. He heard the ringing and all of the panic and fear and feeling of desperation bled back into him. He almost prayed they wouldn’t answer, but just as he was about to go to Voicemail, Pete picked up.

“Doctor, what is it? What happened? Is she okay?” Questions cascaded from the other end of the phone before the Doctor could answer any of them. He grew determined to say only one thing before ending the phone call, or else he would lose what he had left of his control.

“Rose is going to the Torchwood A&E. We are on our way, shouldn’t get there much after the ambulance. See you then.”

“What? Is she alright? We are heading out right now.” Pete seemed to understand that the Doctor wasn’t giving any answers yet.

***

A slow, comforting beep emitted from a bedside machine. Rose was sedated while they checked her over and kept an eye on her post-partum state. The Doctor grasped her hand firmly in his, leaning to rest his head on the bedside. He wondered if she would be frightened when she woke up. 

Earlier, it had been recommended he wait outside until she was awake. Something in him knew he couldn’t do that. He needed to be there when she was awake, showing his support and reminding her that he was still the same, not the man who she had been made to believe would hurt her. Hopefully it would bring them both comfort.

A few minutes later she started to move, but never woke. He went over what he would say in his head. He chose not to mention the baby, her obvious aversion to the babe making him reconsider her fondness of it. Most of all, he tried ignoring that the baby wasn’t his. He made a silent vow that any baby Rose had born, would be a baby he loved without limits. 

Pete and Jackie had been spoken to be a doctor he had never even met before. He used to be for UNIT in this world. He had consoled the frantic mother more than the Doctor ever could have. If he had told Jackie he would have crumbled beneath it’s weight.

The baby had been a girl- something he didn’t have time to check in the seconds he spent holding it. Not noticing how extremely premature she had been had been a move of his own arrogance, assuming it had been his own. He didn’t notice the faint, almost non existent breathing, he didn’t wonder about the eyes being closed and the bright pink colour or that the baby had weighed no more than a pound and a half.

What sort of idiot was he? He could have made a number of excuses why he hadn’t concluded the baby was too young, the labour too fast, or anything else. But the truth was he was stupid. He wanted so badly to be the father that he never considered anything else, and never would have wanted to.

“Doctor?” A soft, timid voice came from the door. “Can I come in?” 

It was Jackie, her hair a mess, makeup left undone, and obvious tear tracks left down her face. As thankful as he was that he hadn’t had to tell her, he wished he could be some source of comfort to her instead of wallowing in his own grief.

“Of course. She’ll be very happy if you’re here when she wakes.” He paused, feeling awkward and a little out of place. “She’s starting to stir and she’s been taken off of sedatives. They said she looks okay, just gonna be bleeding for a few weeks, but that’s normal.” 

“Have you seen the baby yet?” Jackie interrupted what she knew was about to become a babble. She knew that he didn’t handle serious times very well, but she couldn’t do with beating around the bush. Her heart was too tired. Her watery blue eyes wouldn’t leave him as he shifted.

“No. I saw the birth, I held her for a moment. She’s so small, Jacks. But then people were shouting and taking them away from me, I didn’t know what to do. I, I…” The sentence carried off without him, his throat swelling and voice catching. Jackie patted his back and whispered words of comfort.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “It’s your daughter. It’s my fault. You shouldn’t be comforting me.”

“Don’t you dare argue about who deserves to be hurting more right now. We all love Rose, and no matter what way that is doesn’t exempt someone else from pain, yeah?” That last word made his heart leap, thinking of how Rose always said it. “She’s going to be alright, and everything will get sorted. No need to be upset or feel guilty.”

Silence overtook the room after a short nod. Pete was out handling the men from the Station. The Doctor wasn’t allowed in the neonatal room with the baby yet, they were still running tests and had her set up on equipment. Thank everything in existence for Torchwood’s superior medical. This was one of the times he felt useless without the TARDIS and it’s med bay.

Rose’s eyes fluttered, but she still didn’t wake. It was only when her mother breathed her name that Rose fully came to. 

“Mum!” Her gasp caused her brief pain and she winced. Her eyes darted to the Doctor, at first wide and fearful but quickly melting into a familiar loving gaze.

“Doctor, I’m so sorry.” Rose’s voice was scratchy and thick but laced with heavy emotion. “I’m sorry for everything. I should have done so much more. You have no idea all the things that happened. And I’m sorry for everything I said when you found me.”

He wanted Rose to rest, to be quiet, and to concern herself more with her own well being than his. However, he couldn’t help but silently beg with his gaze that she tell him again whether the babe was his. She closed her mouth, looked down at her fingers and shook her head slowly. 

“Oh, Rose.” He squeezed her hand and kissed the back of it. He needed her to know that no one thought any differently of her. If she thought she had lost her husband and mother now, it could crush her. She wept into her pillow as she turned her head to the side. Her opposite hand swept over her now less distended belly. She let out several quivering deep breaths.

A soft knock interrupted the moment. The doctor was in the doorway, waiting for a response. 

“The baby is ready for visitors. Stabilized with a ventilator and incubator. Are you ready for information?” The baby needed its mother as soon as possible. Since Rose was physically stable and not in a troubling state, there was no time to waste asking her.

Rose sobbed a “no” that startled the room. Jackie stood up, tucking her daughters hair back and muttering reassurance. 

“You just need a bit of time, dear. It’ll be alright. You’re the most loving person I know, you can do this when you’re ready.” The whole time Rose shook her head more and more. 

“I hate that baby. I hate everything it reminds me of. I never want to see it again, just give me the papers. I want it gone.” Silence thundered through the room, everyone taken off guard at the outburst. 

“Rose, don’t say that-”

 

“Say what? I was taken for a fool. I was repeatedly raped? I let it happen and didn’t even fight! I was so far under his spell I was almost excited for the baby. But as soon as the Doctor showed up I remembered that it wasn’t what I wanted. That baby represents terrible, horrible things, and I can’t keep it.” Her shaking voice seemed to echo in the room. The new information she presented was killing Jackie and the Doctor.

“I want to see the baby.” The sound of his own voice startled him as it came out cool and calm. His eyes darted to Rose but quickly back to the doctor after taking in her wide eyes. “If it’s alright I want to see her, please.”

No one objected. Torchwood’s doctor knew he couldn’t say no. Jackie then stood and said she, too, wanted to meet the baby. Rose made no such request, dropping the Doctor’s hand and giving a cold stare as he and Jackie exited the room after saying a quick goodbye.

“I am going to give you a brief bit of information and then you two can go in. You’ll need to gown up. This baby is on incubation and has a ventilator to help her breath. It’s lucky she had as strong lungs as she did, she was approximately 24 weeks. She’ll need a name soon, but until Rose decides if she is keeping her, it’s up to you two.” No responses came from the Doctor or Jackie as they were too intent on listening.

“It isn’t as rare as it used to be for a baby to survive at this stage, but it can result in disabilities. We are doing all we can to help everything develope. We have more advanced technology, thanks to aliens, than has ever been seen before. We are altering as much tech as we can to give us an upper hand. For right now, you guys will be able to view the baby but not touch her.”

The Doctor was already feeling an intense drive to go in.

After a few minutes both the Doctor and Jackie emerged in their ISO clothing and were led to the one lonesome glass case in the middle of the room. All sorts of machines were connected to the glass and the baby. It barely moved as they looked on.

“Can I- Can I talk to it? I mean, do you think it’ll help?” The Doctor choked out.

“Yeah, go ahead. It could possibly be comforting since we aren’t ready for physical content yet.” The Doctor nodded and knelt down in front of the glass. 

“Hey, in there.” He paused, not sure what he could say. “I’m the Doctor. Your mummy is very tired and sore. She had quite the adventure, or I’m sure she’d be here.” His heart shattered remembering she wouldn’t. 

“I love you. Even if I’m not your dad, you’re Rose’s and I love you. You’ve done so well in there, so far. Keep fighting, alright, love? I would give you a kiss and a cuddle, but that has to wait. You have to get better first.” The rest of his words failed him. He started to collapse to both knees on the floor, shaking with sobs as Jackie patted him. 

“We both love you, little girl. And your mum will come around. A right softie, she is.”


	3. All the Good Times We've Had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more fluff and angst from the hospital. Gotta develops some things before diving back in. I am so happy about the feedback and reviews so far! If you want to beta let me know, but the reviews are fantastic. Thank you all so much and I'm excited to get to where this story is going in the next couple of chapters.

As soon as they left the little baby, the Doctor raced to Rose's room. He told Jackie he wanted to speak with Rose in private, leaving her to phone and update Pete.

Hesitation held him for half a moment before he opened the door to her hospital room. Rose quickly wiped at her face and eyes, trying to disguise her tears.

"I'm so sorry. I left you after you told me something absolutely horrific had happened to you. I was so concerned about the baby that I didn't stay to talk about things with you." The words flew from him quickly as he tried to both explain and comfort. 

"It's alright. I think I needed a moment to get myself together." Her voice betrayed her as she murmured to him. She pulled his hands to her and rubbed her fingers over his. The depth of his eyes bore into her.

"Rose, I promise I'll never leave you again. I wasn't thinking right. Do you... Do you want to talk now?" There was a long silence where Rose looked down at her lap and fidgeted with his hands. 

"Why did you want to see the baby?" Each syllable seemed overly annunciated as she tried keeping her voice steady. She started playing with his wedding ring before he moved his hand to under her chin. 

Slowly, he turned her face to look at him. His thumb skimmed her cheek as he sat himself closer to her on the bed. He remembered how she was afraid of him when she was first found, convinced he was some villain from her nightmares. It had changed so quickly. 

She had admitted to unwillingly being bedded in those months spent away, and he had abandoned her seconds later. She wasn't asking only about the baby, but to know why he would leave her in that moment.

"Rose. I know that baby was not conceived by your consent. I know it isn't my own, and I am so sorry I was never there to help you, to save you. But that infant is struggling to stay alive, and she's a part of you. I could never love you and not love everything you had created." The speech took a brief pause as Rose pulled him to her, crushing his lips with hers. He could feel her fresh tears falling on his arm as his hand slid behind her head.

Eventually he removed himself, panting. "Rose, I am so sorry I abandoned you. But the baby is fine, and I have all the time in the world to talk to you now. Do you want to tell me, or we can wait, or we can... Hire someone. Whatever you need, love. I just want you to be alright." He pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead before returning to his seat next to the bed.

Rose took a while to answer, taking in shuddering breaths and blinking away tears. 

"Later, alright? I promise I will talk when I am ready. But it's too soon." Rose leaned back into her pillows, staring at the ceiling. "When can I go home?"

The Doctor's heart tore a little at the way she excluded the baby. She still showed no sign of wanting to hear about her or visit her. "Tomorrow. They just wanted to make sure you were stable. They want you to visit a councillor every week, but we can talk about that later. Do you want me to stay the night?"

"Yes please. I am too afraid to be left alone..." He squeezed her hand tightly and leaned down for another kiss. 

 

A few hours later, with Rose dozing off again, their Torchwood doctor, Dr. Alan Creed, asked him if he would like to come visit the baby again. After checking on Rose five or six more times and kissing her cheek, he quietly followed Creed.

"More physical contact will do the baby better. Now that we are sure some of her systems are stabilized we think that some short sessions of physical attention will provide comfort. She's only able to have short sessions of light touches through sleeves in an incubator. 

"Once she is a little less sensitive and is more stable to be on her own, we will have something called the Kangaroo technique. Right now she's extremely sensitive. She's 1 pound 6 ounces, and her lungs and organs are severely underdeveloped. We are confident in our devices, but without skin to skin contact we don't know how everything will go. She probably suffered a lot of emotional trauma via Rose in the womb."

After a brief pause, the Doctor pieced where this was going. "You want me to do this with the baby since Rose can't?" 

"Well, it could still be some time. This baby will be with us for at least a couple of months, and she will need someone to care for her. If Rose doesn't come around by then, someone will have to substitute. In the meantime, you can start considering a name for her and try bonding while she is in the incubator. I firmly believe that both of these things will help the baby's development both physically and mentally." 

They were at the door of the neonatal room now. The Doctor needed to prepare in the ISO gown again so that he could look at this baby again, but before he did, he said the word "Andromeda." 

 

It still hurt that when he looked upon the infant he would never see a glimmer of his own features. It had a little blindfold to cover it's fused shut eyelids and protect it from the light, but he still knew that when they would open they wouldn't reflect his own. 

Even as he dreamed of this child being five years old, going to school, it was nothing like he had imagined before. They had been trying for a baby before, only for a short while. Ideas of an usually brilliant toddler had flooded his mind, one with Rose's eyes and his crazy hair. Now that daydream would have to change. He didn't know if he was ready for that.

He knew he would love the baby, already did. Hopefully Rose would not reject him having named her, trying to instigate some sort of bonding to help the babe with emotional healing. Admittedly, he was at a loss for this situation. He was determined to love this baby just as much as he would have if it were his. It was a life, so precious, and it was determined to make it through. This little girl already reminded him of his Rose, so full of life and always ready for the challenges.

Two small holes had been put in the side of the clear incubator, soft sleeves bunched up and making a barrier between the heat and the outside world. As directed, he put his hands into the sockets and pushed the gloves. 

His heart raced as he let his right hand hover over the baby, waiting for the last bout of strength to push him to move and stroke Andromeda. 

The Doctor's hands started to shake a little as he drew in a long, calming breath. His eyes were burning as he lowered his hand to the little girl with a matchbook sized nappy. 

Her lips squeezed and she gently squirmed at what must have been the first touch since she had been put into the sterile box. He was ever so soft, feathering his fingertips over her side as she started relaxing again. 

In one unreal moment, the baby with her soft cap on reached out and grabbed a digit, effectively trying to put his pinky into her mouth which was still too small. At this his heart was shattered. Features crumbled and tears fell like a waterfall as he felt the weak, unbelievable baby gripping him.

"That's amazing," cooed a nurse who was trying not to interrupt. "We didn't think she would be capable of doing much for a long time. She really is a fighter." At these words the Doctor's sobs grew heavier, tears of wonder and happiness and turmoil in an endless mingling flow.

"I think she's showing phenomenal determination, John. That's probably enough for one day for this little one. And for you, hey? Go back to Rose, have a good sleep, and I'll let you know before her dismissal if you can visit Andromeda again." The surreal experience ended then, the Doctor slowly removing his isolation gear once outside of the room. 

Mind reeling at what to tell Rose if she asked, the Doctor slid back into the bench he'd been sleeping on next to Rose's bed. She appeared to still be asleep so he murmured his I Love You from his area. 

"Doctor?" Her response startled him. Silence burned him as he hesitated to respond. 

"Yes, Rose?" His voice was scratchy and thick after the cry he'd had. Rose moved up the bed a little and turned on a lamp connected to her bed. She gestured for him to join her. 

Fumbling the blankets around, he squeezed in to tenderly spoon Rose. She seemed too emotional to want him to see her face. 

"I know you wanted a family, but you can say if you don't want the baby." He immediately kissed her neck and squeezed her hand, reassuring her of his earlier promises. 

"It's just. If that was the only baby we ever have, will you still love me?" Her voice cracked twice before she ended the sentence. 

"Rose. I will never love you any less. And I'll tell you how much I already love that baby. I just got to touch her, to name her-" he paused, realizing Rose hadn't known that her newborn was a girl, a daughter. She shook with racking sobs as he waited for her to be able to listen before he continued.

"It's a daughter, and if you can handle it, I would like her to be our daughter. I love you so much, I would never let a part of you get away. She is so precious already, reminds me of you. And even if that's all I could ever have, I would never want to let it go." His words seemed to comfort her but also break her heart. 

She let out a few heaving, raspy sobs before collecting herself. She was happy for the flesh regenerator having helped her recover from giving birth, now. "I can't- I can't love her. Not yet, but if you can, I can try. I can work to get there. But you have to promise me you won't leave me, not ever. Not even if we never get another baby of our own." 

Rose seemed so convinced they would never have their own. At this point he didn't care, as long as he had Rose and Andromeda. He knew he would love them both endlessly, regardless of all that had happened. It would take them a long time to work back to that point anyhow, with all the trauma Rose must have seen. 

"Get some rest, love. I promised you forever a long, long time ago. And forever doesn't end."


	4. It's Gone Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter titles are part of lyrics from Me and Tennessee by Tim McGraw and Gwyneth Paltrow. That song makes me feel the feelings for writing this piece.  
>   
> I'm probably killing you all with the angst and fluff but this story is mostly emotionally oriented, so I'm sorry! I'm still looking for a Beta if anyone's interested. Thanks so much for the reviews, I'm super excited to see what everyone thinks after this chapter.  
>   
> NSFW at the beginning.

Two months later, the Doctor and Rose were back out of the hospital, staying at home, trying to find some semblance of peace. Andromeda, nicknamed Annie, now, was about to be transferred to an in-home infirmary thanks to Torchwood and Pete Tyler. 

After a collapsed lung, twice, their tiny girl seemed to be gaining weight and recovering quickly. Rose still never asked about Annie, but he visited her as often as he could. He was thrilled to have her moving into the room they had, a year ago, wanted to make a nursery. 

His first sessions of the Kangaroo technique had brought him to such an emotional level that they had to stop for a few weeks. Each day he was desperate to try again, but knew he had to wait until he could keep himself together. They thought now that she was in a better condition, he could start sessions again once she was moved into their home. Creed would be on call, only ten minutes away at Torchwood. A home nurse would a residing with the babe.

Rose had been doing well at returning to normal life. The Doctor smiled as he watched her wake. 

"Hello," she grinned. He met her smile with his own, lips pressed against each other. His gentle movements had her slipping beneath him, bodies laid against each other. This was the farthest they'd been, yet. Rose hadn't been too against anything, but hadn't been too forthcoming, so he had waited.

"Mmm," she moaned as his hands grazed her chest and he nipped her neck. She arched slightly into him, but the movement felt forced. 

As Rose started drawing her fingers over his chest, bare as he was only in pyjamas, something felt off to him about this snog session. She seemed to be going through the motions. 

To try putting her at ease, he slowed things down, twining his fingers through hers with one hand and letting the other slide through her hair. He wanted honest reactions out of her, not ones she pushed for out of familiarity. 

He slowly and deeply kissed her, moving his tongue and lips against hers passionately while running his thumb over the front of her night dress, covering the sensitive peak underneath. Every single favourite place needed to be touched and kissed and loved until she was ready. 

No clothing was removed, but the Doctor stroked her bottom and breasts through the fabric that covered them. He slid his fingers over the crease of her thigh and hips, carefully avoiding her centre.

"Doctor," she began, panting heavily into his mouth as he moved to kiss her again. 

"Mmm, not yet, love." He nipped her lip, slipping his hands under her gown and just touching the edges of her knickers. 

She moaned again, rutting her hips uselessly against the air in an effort to gain friction where she needed it most. He held her hip very gently with his left hand as his right sought to give her the friction she so desired.

As he held her hip, Rose's blood went cold. Memories flooded back to her and she tried to push through them, tried ignoring her torture and seeing only the current scene before her. Her Doctor, loving her, murmuring lovely words to her, trying to please her. The terrifying memories only blended with the present. The wrong voice was in her head, the wrong visions presenting themselves if she closed her eyes to focus.

The Doctor took only a moment to notice, but it was the moment he had sought entrance with his fingers. He gasped and withdrew as she suddenly jerked away, covering herself with blankets and starting to heave with loud sobs. 

"Rose! Rose, I'm so sorry!" He had felt it as he entered her, felt her body reject him and the dryness inside. He felt instant and overwhelming remorse. 

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Try again, please? Please, please, try again." Panic have her a sharp edge as she threw herself to kiss him. "I need... I need- I have to please you. I have to do this, do it for me and for you. You have to keep going. Can't let him win, please, please, please..." 

The Doctor settled her out of her frantic kisses and let her bury her face in his chest as she burst with anxiety. He pet her hair, catching his own breath after she had shattered under her panic. Arms winding around her, he drew her close and held her tight as she fell apart. It was half an hour before she came out of raking cries and seemed to tire herself into a noiseless cry. 

Their breath mingled as they faced each other, his fingers wiping her tears away and patting her puffy eyelids. She drifted off to a thick and exhausted sleep, one he could only hope was pleasant.

~~~~

Come morning, the Doctor was already awake and fixing breakfast. He was finishing up the nursery with two of the technologists from Torchwood so that Annie could come home today, but he wanted Rose to have a good start to her morning. 

"Doctor?" A sleepy voice from the door, sore from all her panic the night before, interrupted his cooking. 

"Oh, hello, Rose!" He said a little too jovially. "Love, I thought you would sleep in. I'm just fixing breakfast and then I think we should talk about some things." 

A mixture of sadness and intimidation crossed her features. Brows furrowed, she asked what they might need to talk about. 

"Well, last night, for one. It's nothing bad, I just- Just let me finish this and we can chat, alright?" He flipped a pancake and put it on a plate, adding syrup and picking up the tray of food. 

Rose remained in the doorway as he took the breakfast trays to bed and gestured for her to sit. Nerves got the best of her as she assumed the very worst about their conversation topic. 

"I'm not ready. I can't share anything yet." The panicked words flew out of her mouth. 

A silent Doctor waited for her to recover from her statement. He looked at her lovingly, nodded, and asked her to come back to bed. 

After she slid in, he kissed her forehead, wrapped an arm around her, toyed with her wedding ring, and began.

"Rose, I think it's best we wait until you've seen a councillor to try any of that again. I love you, and I can't stand to see you hurt. I especially don't want to be the one hurting you. A lot has happened, and I understand if you don't want to talk about it, or prefer talking about it with someone else. But I want you to be comfortable here, in your own home, in your own bed." He watched on as tears rose once more to his lovely wife's face. A look of shame stuck to her face and he felt sick that she should ever feel guilty over such a thing. 

"Rose, love. Rose, look at me," he gently tipped her quivering chin upward. "I know you've been hurt. I wish I could take it away, I really do. You're meant to see a councillor on the weekend anyway, hey? If you want me there, I can stay. If you want me to go, I'll leave. If you want to spend that hour talking about your favourite type of tea, go ahead. Even if you aren't ready to go there yet, just do anything you think could make you feel better. That's all I want, ok?" By the end she was shoving her face into his shirt again, trying her best to hold back her hiccuping tears. 

It scared him most that she needed so much help all at once. He hadn't even broached the subject of her still completely rejecting the baby, he hoped getting help for everything else first would help her through that. That having the baby at home would help her grow closer to it.

Over the weeks Rose had been jumpy, causing the Doctor to always make himself known when entering a room. Touching her abdomen, until yesterday, had been an action which caused her to stiffen, and him to recede. They had kissed and cuddled, but never actually done anything. 

He was sort of thankful they had tried pushing the boundaries last night, it gave an idea of where Rose was at in her healing. It forced them into a conversation they had both tried putting off or ignoring. Above all, he hoped the events of the night before were pushing to be the first steps toward healing for them.

The Doctor moved behind Rose, gently kneading her shoulders as she calmed and her breathing steadied. 

"When does Torchwood get here?" She whispered. Still refusing to call her daughter by her name, or make reference to her directly at all, he noticed. 

"In about an hour. I think you should be here. You haven't seen her even once, Rose," he rubbed her arms gently as she made to protest. "Meet her? For me, love. I promise it'll be ok. If it's too much you can leave, I won't ask you to return until you are ready. But I don't think you'll know until you've tried."

Silence treated him to anxiety for a moment before she replied. 

"I can try. But I will leave if it's too much, I'll have to." Brows furrowed, she gave a halfhearted look of determination.

~~~~

"Now, Mrs. Tyler, you can meet your daughter. This room is sterilized and as long as a nurse is present, holding the baby is permitted. Her systems are stable enough that as long as nothing is disconnected she will be alright. Her lungs are very strong at last, organs nearly perfectly developing, especially with the help of restorative technology from Heine. She's almost as properly developed as a full-term baby and weighs four whole pounds now." Dr. Creed explained everything carefully one more time before leading Rose in to look upon her daughter for the first time. 

The Doctor was thrilled to hear how much stronger foreign tech had made Andromeda. Their baby was physically very far ahead of other babies born so prematurely. Now he watched on as Rose approached, her eyes slammed shut and arms swinging up to her chest and down to her sides with her breathing. 

All the calming techniques in the world could not have prepared her for the moment she looked at Annie. She immediately reached out for the Doctor's hand, steeling herself for a moment. When Rose swiped tears from her face and squeezed his hand painfully hard, he almost had time to be relieved. 

In a moment of false hope that Rose had fallen in love with her baby, the Doctor wrapped an arm around her. 

"No! Get me away!" Rose cried as she spun around and left the room, leaving Creed and the Doctor to stare after her. 

Giving himself a moment to be even a little collected, the Doctor then raced after her. 

"Rose! Rose, it's alright if you can't do it now. We can wait, give it time, and you can just talk to-" 

"Don't you dare tell me to talk to a bloody stranger about this! Why do you have to be so damn good about it? Don't you see? I left you, I let someone else have me. I betrayed you! How can she remind you of anything but how weak and gullible I am!? I let someone else into my body, I let him tell me terrible things about you and convince me to trust him. All I see when I see that THING is how ashamed I should be for messing everything up and letting it all happen. I'm nothing but an easily persuaded whore! And you deserve to hate me for it. So stop being Mister Understanding and just hate me already! We both know the day will come, so it might as well be now. Don't try to hide it, I'm- I'm... I..." Her voice was gone as heaves scraped her sore lungs once more. She soon collapsed at his feet, shaking and dry heaving with stress. 

Gathering her to him, the Doctor laid kisses to her hair over and over. As he stooped to the floor to join her, he calmly waited for her to be able to meet his gaze. 

At long last Rose looked up to him, face crumpled and red, skin covered in wet tear tracks. She clambered into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck, choking out words of apology until she settled.

The Doctor gently nudged Rose far enough from him to look him square in the eye. This time his gaze was not soft or loving, it was as serious as a war with Daleks. 

"Rose Tyler, stuff of legend. You have always been special. And I am getting tired of having to give these speeches, but I will always give them. I loved you since 'Run' and I will love you each day from now until the end. That baby, Andromeda, is ours, and I will never let anyone say she isn't. To me, she represents every ounce of faith I have in you. You persevered through whatever hell they put you through- and created a new life on top of that! She shows how brave and resilient you are. I love that little girl- our little girl. She will never know another day of that pain again and that's because you did everything there was to stay alive and to keep a tiny human safe, even when you knew it would hurt. You're incredible and she stands for every making of goodness I have ever known you to have." 

His words soothed her like a warm bath. The tears she shed now were happy. She felt a pang of guilt for always needing his grand speeches in the last two months, knowing they were all that could make her feel better. He would have his days, she knew, where he would need her as much as she had recently needed him. She would have to be strong in those times, but she knew that she would be able to be because of the love he showed for her. 

One last thing still clung to the back of her soul, slicing at her when he have such shows of passion and caring. One really, really big thing that still had the power to break them apart. What would happen when she told him?


	5. We Went Wrong

Jackie Tyler sat across the table from her daughter, still waiting for a single word. With her bottom lip quivering like that, Jackie didn't expect her to start talking any time soon. The Doctor had warned she had been getting more emotional and stressed out as time went on. 

Rose had skipped yet another therapy session. No one knew where she was going instead, spending the whole day somewhere else to make it seem like she was attending. 

At his wits end, and trying not to become some sort of bad guy in Rose's mind, the Doctor had asked Jackie to try speaking with Rose. As soon as she had opened the door, Rose knew why her mum was there.

"I can't go," a very dark and determined tone rang through the kitchen. 

"Rose, darling, you've got to go. You should talk to someone. None of us will ever understand what you went through, but we want to help." Jackie put her best effort into sounding supportive, worried a stern approach would scare her more. 

"This isn't like Jimmy, Mum. I didn't just do something young and stupid. I didn't move out for a few months and then come crawling back apologizing. I was there for nearly a year. I was a married woman, who had fought aliens and saved the universe over and over. All that, and I let some stranger convince me that my husband was some monster, trying to breed with me for his own selfish purposes. I believed him. I let him inject me with something, and that day was the worst day of my life." Rose had steeled herself perfectly, no sign of tears on the horizon. 

"Rose, I'm so sorry." Jackie reached out for her daughters hand, who quickly slid it away and off the table. 

"Don't. Everyone needs to stop being sorry for me. You should be sorry for the Doctor. He has lost everything to be with me, here in this stupid parallel universe with no TARDIS and nothing for him. And now I betray him, and all I will ever have to offer him is another mans child." Her eyes grew cold and distant as she exhaled an irritated sigh. 

"Rose, you know he loves her like a daughter. He doesn't blame you for what happened, he still loves you just as much. Have you spoken with him about this?" No reply came, so Jackie continued. 

"There'll always be time for more babies. You know that's not his priority, he just wants you to get better. We all want you to heal, and if we can't help you, you need to go to these sessions. They can help you. We know it won't be right away, dear. But we can't help you if you don't want to help yourself."

More silence drained the room of places to take this conversation. 

"Think of it this way. The Doctor, this Doctor, John, he still has to live with all the guilt and regret of everything he did in his long years. But you made him better, he says so all the time. Let him do the same for you, Rose. You'll be alright, someday." 

"Mum, do you think he will leave me if I can never give him a child?" Jackie wanted to ask what ever gave her that idea. Instead she waited for Rose to elaborate on her own time. 

Shifting in the chair, Rose ran her fingers through her hair, distressed. 

"The injection, Mum. It made it impossible for me to ever carry alien DNA. It was after that that Caleb said he wanted to marry me, make it official that I was with a human who could protect me from the awful plans of aliens. Then... Then he would force himself on me, say that he deserved my love for all he had done for me." There was so much more that had happened. So much more to this story than she could reveal just yet. 

Jackie stared upon her daughter, incapable of imagining the horrors she had been through. The fear that was striking her cold. Her own panic flowed through her as she wanted to fall apart on Rose's behalf. A therapist would be far more capable of offering support since they weren't emotionally involved.

"You don't have to share more if you don't want to. But I'll always be here to listen. You went through so much, and it's easy to blame yourself. But you're here now, yeah? Here with your real husband and the baby he wants to raise as his own. Try to focus on that." 

The look on Rose's face made it look like she was thinking about her next move carefully. Contemplating her words, she decided to come out with her biggest secret, just to share the burden. 

"I have to tell you something. Something really, really big that I can't tell the Doctor 'cause it'll kill him, Mum, it will. But I can't tell a stranger, not some man in a suit with a notepad." 

Jackie couldn't fathom anything worse than she had already been told about her kidnapping. Whatever it was Rose had to tell could break her heart entirely. This was her daughter, all she had for 20 years before being thrown into this universe. Maybe she couldn't stand to hear more about her torture.

Before Jackie could tell her to stop, Rose blurted out her heavy words. 

"I was pregnant, when they took me, too." She halted momentarily, half waiting for her mother to say something before continuing while she still could. "Two months. I didn't even know for sure, we had only just decided to start trying. When Caleb found out it had already been a couple more weeks. He hadn't started sleeping with me early enough on for how much I showed, so he knew it wasn't his. 

"The next day he told me how I had been tricked and lied to, that I was just some broodmare to an alien. He told me he would take care of everything and make sure it would never happen again. A few weeks later he finally had a plan to execute. I was sort of brainwashed by then but I was still terrified. He slipped two pills into my tea and then gave me an injection when he said he was taking a blood sample. A few hours later I had a miscarriage."

The details of that didn't need to be discussed, she decided, even if they were what haunted her in her sleep.

Jackie could stand the distance no longer, swiftly circling the table to embrace Rose tightly as they wept together. No words were exchanged as they held each other. 

A soft click of the door came as the scene was ending. Noticing the emotional level, the Doctor quickly became distraught. 

"What is it? What's happened?" He grabbed her hands and tried to warm them. Her eyes were empty and her face unreadable. 

"She was just talking about some things with me, from when she was gone. I tried convincing her to go to therapy but she doesn't want to speak to a stranger, so we had a chat of our own. She'll be alright, won't you Rose?" Jackie patted Rose's back. 

As Rose and the Doctor slid into a big hug, Jackie looked at her daughter and mouthed "tell him". Rose's eyes dropped to the floor.

"Well, I'm gonna go home. You two have enough to sort out. Leftovers in the fridge, Doctor." Jackie tried to seem dismissive. Those two didn't need any bigger a push than Rose had just received. 

After the door shut, Rose stood to start cleaning up dinner. 

"Rose? What were you and your mum talking about?" His vocals were laced with concern. It was becoming more and more difficult to completely dismiss his efforts. 

"Nothing. She was just upset by the same things you already knew. We're fine now." Her passiveness triggered something inside him. He slammed a plate down, shattering it on the floor, causing Rose to squeal and jump.

"Dammit, Rose! It's been three months and you won't let anyone in. I have tried so hard to be patient but there is a baby in the next room who you have not so much as sat next to, and a therapist you haven't visited, and a husband you won't let help you. We have been to the end of time and back, what is it that you can't tell me!?"

They bore into each other both with stoney glares. 

"There is so much you'll never understand. I told you I would come to you when I was ready. If you can't wait, then you should have left a long time ago." Fuming, she slammed the cupboard as she reached for the broom. 

"Rose, there are people who care about you. Share your burden, let us help you heal and move on. Don't shut us out. And I would be lying if I didn't say I am breaking apart each day you don't even try giving this baby, OUR baby, a chance."

Rose didn't even wait to continue the argument, she just strode off to their room and slammed the door. 

Instead of following, the Doctor went to the nursery. His gorgeous girl was now almost as big as a full term baby, at full term age of 37 weeks.

The in-home nurse was no longer needed, nor the incubator and machines. She had been spectacularly remotely monitored by Torchwood technology and was beginning to act like a true newborn baby. He picked her up and cuddled her closely, sitting in the rocking chair. 

"Daddy loves you," he murmured as he let the infant grip the cuff of his shirt, then his fingers. He had felt awkward for so long calling himself that. Only recently had he started taking pride in himself for his relationship with Annie. 

Slowly he rocked back and forth as he whispered promises of treats and toys and fun. She gurgled and cooed, an easily soothed baby thus far in her life. 

The Doctor felt his throat clench and his heart seize as he considered what it would be like if this child grew up in a house where she was permanently rejected by her mother. He had grown up feeling ostracized and outlawed from his own people. That was a feeling he couldn't let his daughter live through. How would he get Rose to see this child as anything but a painful reminder of the past?

The Doctor had started nodding off when his daughter began to squirm and squeal, making tiny fists and turning red. 

"Shh, shh, my love. I'll let you sleep." He placed Annie back in her crib gently, tucking her in. It was very late and he was thankful it was now the weekend. 

He went about a few tasks, procrastinating going to bed. Rose would be in a poor mood and he was starting to feel bad about what he had done. 

Softly folding the covers back, the Doctor slid into bed next to Rose. She immediately moved to her side of the bed, sleeping on her side. He felt the need to comfort her, slipping up to spoon her. 

Rose quietly moaned and shifted her hips back into him. Not wanting to revisit some sore memories of their previous attempts at removing their now long-standing physical barriers, he moved himself a small distance from her. As soon as he did so, she turned to face him, smiling a little as her droopy lids lifted. 

"I love you," she giggled as he pulled his hair into the crazy tufts she loved. His heart swelled every time she said it, the most delightful and beautiful words he had ever longed to hear. 

"I love you, too," he swooned and kissed the top of her head. "Get some sleep." When Rose rested her head on his chest, he ran a hand through her hair and held it on the back of her neck the way they hadn't slept in over a year, now.

 

The Doctor started dreaming of their wedding night. They had been all smiles and giggles and laughter. There was no strain on their relationship, only happiness supposed to be in their future. 

As he laid out his bride on their bed, tenderly removing her dress, her smooth skin flickered in the candle light. He kissed his way up her side, under her breast, and over her collar bone. She let out soft moans of pleasure, grasping his hair and drawing a leg around him to pull him close. 

Somewhere in the time he spent removing his trousers, the lighting changed and her noises changed from encouraging to terrified. She was gagged, white dress torn and still half on. 

Suddenly he was tearing her knickers off, chafing her hips and clawing her inner thighs. As her stomach contracted with her efforts to quiet her cries, he was grasping her hips in a bruising grip. 

"After all I've done? You should thank your saviour. I've married you even though you are damaged and pathetic, do you understand?" A rough, deep voice grumbled above Rose's sobs and right into her ear. Hands that the Doctor now knew were not his own groped Rose's chest, her fear turning silent as she tried to give herself to the man who said it was her obligation.

He tried to stop the dirty, ape sized hands from touching his Rose. He felt each muscle function of the man whose role he was taking in the dream as he bit Rose's lip, pushed her hips still on the bed, and spat into his hand when he found her folds to be less than slick. 

Everything inside him broke as he felt this other man, as though it were himself, slam inside of Rose, ignoring the dryness of her heat. He pulled her hair forcefully so she had to look up at him, her body tense and shaking as she succumbed to the raw power of the body above and within her. It was not long before the man's body grew taut and he let out a disgusting, feral groan. 

"You will know human love, and you will give me a child in return. This time, you'll feel nothing but my human love growing within your body. And you'll love it, dear. You really will." 

With that, the image of the dream shattered and the Doctor woke, gasping and breathing in the taste of his own tears. 

Rose shot from the bed, racing to the en suite to vomit and dry heave. He slowly made his way over, leaning on the door frame and waiting for her to recover. 

As they waited, he heard Annie start to bawl from the room over. 

"Go, go help her, I'll be here when you get back, whether I like it or not." Rose spoke mostly to the toilet bowl. It was one of the rare times Annie had cried loudly at all, so he felt it was urgent enough to leave Rose for just a minute. 

Once he had Annie settled again, giving her some cuddles and setting her space mobile on for another hour, he made his way back to his bedroom. 

"What did you see?" Rose asked the question nearly before the Doctor even reached the doorway. 

"I think you projected your dream to me, or I had projected mine to you and it triggered something..." 

"So... You saw- That whole dream was shared, then? You know what happened?" Rose swallowed back her emotions. The Doctor took a moment to try doing the same before letting loose a pathetic noise.

Joined with the shallowest of fervent nods, he choked out a "yes" and let out racking sobs into his wife's shoulder as they held each other close. Rose had gained some composure, this was probably not a new dream for her, or new to deal with. The Doctor had been told about the things she had been through, in her very brief and almost nonchalant way, but never thought he would get such a detailed show. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it, I am. I should have been able to stop it all, should have been able to protect you. I promised your mum, all those years back, that I would keep you safe. And now look what I've done!" He could barely get the strangled words from his body, clinging desperately to Rose to make sure she was really there, safe in his arms. 

"No, no more apologies. Not from any of us, yeah? I just want to have a safe sleep, in your arms, in my bed, with the husband I loved since the day he said 'Run'. Please, let's just do that, and we will talk about everything else tomorrow. Tonight, I just need to know I'm with you. I'm safe, and loved, and I have my life back. Yeah?" She pleaded and begged, pulling him tightly to her. 

As soon as she felt his nods, she relaxed into his body, pulling the covers tightly around both of them and squirming in. The Doctor tried to ignore the dirty, sickening, guilty feelings he had been left with from the dream role he had played. He breathed Rose's scent in deeply, calming as he gently kneaded her back and waited for her to sleep. She sighed deeply into his chest and arranged herself as closely snuggled into him as she could, as though he was her only reminder of safety. 

The rest of the night, she slept soundlessly and the Doctor did not manage sleep at all.


End file.
